Apoligies for my silence of late. It’s been a fairly frantic time for me in this faraway paradise I now call home. And I’ve gone through so many changes I wanted to get my head cleared before I committed my thoughts to ‘paper’.
The big news is I have decided to stay here in Thailand. To make it my home. It’s been so very good for me. In every way imaginable. Mind, body and spirit. Let’s start with the body. If it were not for my desire to protect my anonymity I would show you a side by side photo of the day before I left London and one taken a few days ago. If I say so myself, I look great! According to my Facebook friends, at least 10 years younger. Yes I’ve had a few injections here, a bit of filler there, but why wouldn’t you in a country where such luxuries cost so little? But you can clearly see the stress has gone too. And swimming a mile a day in the ocean has given me back my muscular physique. I look ripped without an ounce of the body fat I’ve carried these last few years due to my unhealthy choices, lack of exercise and self-worth. In a country where everyone pays for sex, I don’t. But more of that later.
And how’s my mind doing? Pretty good, thanks for asking. I have not taken a single drug since I landed in a country full of them. I’m extremely proud of that. I had smoked weed for the last 11 years. Why? Because I was bored and unhappy. And disconnected, and discontent. The life of a loser, patching up my depression with numbness. Now I have 24 happy hours a day. Even the bad days are good, and I don’t have many of them. The teary episodes of a month or so back have all but disappeared. I still think about her, and how she’s doing, and how her Cancer is, but I don’t want her any more. In fact, quite the opposite. I look back now and I can see how bad she was for me. As a wonderful ex- solider I met recently told me, ‘You can never fix a War Child’. God knows I tried, I tried for 4 long years, as did her husband for 11 years before that. I thought we were happy but looking back I can see neither of us ever really were. We had nothing in common except troubled childhoods and a sexual attraction. I hope she has at least found half the happiness I now enjoy every single day. I sincerely wish her well. But I equally despise her for what she did to me. And how she did it. She very nearly killed me.
How do you heal your spirit? Im no expert but I’d say it would have a lot to do with changing the life that broke it. I’m constantly surrounded by great people. Good people that are adventurers and risk-takers like me. We laugh, we share a beer, we constantly joke around, we share our stories, good and bad. I’m also supported by my wonderful social media friends. Whenever I might feel bad in the middle of the night (not often), thanks to the time difference, they are always there to listen to me, and me to them. I couldn’t ask for more support than they have all given me. As new friends leave, new ones arrive and I have barely scratched the surface of the extremely supportive ex-pat community as yet.
The last thing I think we all need is love. And I think I have found that too. It’s been a tricky start due to both of us being extremely fucked over by our ex’s, but we are getting there. It’s hard to trust again after what I’ve been through, especially here in Thailand. But she is so beautiful, funny, successful, has a good heart and so damn classy too. And the right age for me. A needle in a haystack in a city of sin.Thank you Bhuddah. I walk down the street with her and men nearly fall off their motorbikes, women gaup in amazement and wonder why they are even trying to sell their body. And she lived in England for 15 years so she’s knows my culture and humour too. I couldn’t ask for more in a partner and nor do l. That would be just plain greedy.
As so as I sit here on the beach watching the waves and waiting the 4 weeks it takes for my Retirement Visa to be processed, I am a happy and contented man.
My friends tell me I inspire them, that they love to watch my journey.
I think they are being too kind. With the help of them all, I just did it for me. I hope you do it for you too.