Oh boy. It’s not getting any easier and I guess you guys are getting sick of hearing about it. Trying to stay sober today, let alone forever, is proving very difficult. The stress and anxiety I was feeling before I was charged was bad enough. This is simply a horror show. There is not a minute of the day when I don’t think about next Tuesday. It’s all I can think about. My pleas for help have fallen on deaf ears and I must face the music as it stands. I finally got my Doctor to prescribe me some beta blockers for the anxiety. 

The Panic attacks are intense. They make me shake and scream out loud. How I can control them at work is a mystery to me. I manage to make it to the toilet just in time before the shakes and tears start. 

The next week as the days count down I’m sure I will get worse and worse. My prayers for some inner peace seem to go unanswered. I’m even finding it hard to write, which is usually my saviour.

I think that’s enough for one day.