It’s early in the morning. I feel awake. I dont sleep much anymore. Just as the antidepressants kicked in and I started to feel better I was charged. So now  instead of recovering I’m more stressed than ever. I shall resign my job next week. I can’t concentrate. I cant work from Prison anyway so what’s the point?

It’s funny you know. When I am so vulnerable like I am now people are attracted to me. I’ve just got back from seeing a live band and I must have had 2 or 3  meaningful chats with females tonight that didn’t go anywhere but they all said I was a lovely guy. That’s nice of them as and it did my ego some good, which as you can imagine had taken a bit of a knock recently.

I don’t know how to stay positive when there is so little to feel positive about. I can’t plan anything, I can’t get out of the mausoleum, I can’t go away to heal and I can’t start a relationship if there is a 99% chance I won’t be here in 9 days time.

I can’t wait for this terrible year to finish. From January until this very minute I feel like I’ve been inside a washing machine on Spin. All year I have been in a constant state of stress. Firstly when she moved out in January, then we got back together in April and June and all the periods of being blanked in between. Then the huge disappointment of her not only not moving back in with me but also the extreme nature of our breakup and my subsequent breakdown and NG’s Cancer. Then this.

2016 can do one