I really am in desperate need of Help. More than ever. I know I overstepped the mark. And I am so sorry. I am seeking all the avenues I can to address my obsessive, compulsive disorder and trying so to move forward and not back. I’ve deleted her number from my phone finally. That’s my shit PAYG phone, the Police have my iPhone. I am confident I can, with the help I am now getting, get over this. 

I will not intrude on her life again. Ever. I just want a chance to learn from this without getting incarcerated in a prison, where they will just throw Valium at me. If I can’t present something to the court by way of mitigation I will most definitely go to jail. The Police have lied and told her I will go to Hospital. They just want a conviction and will tell her what they think she needs to hear. The will tell her it’s all out of her hands now and there is nothing that can be done. But I know she could help in some way. I just hope she will. 

A 2nd offence and Im done. I wish I could somehow convince her that I have learnt my lesson and I just need a chance to get on with my life without a further conviction. I can’t do anything about the drugs charge that will stop me from travelling to so many countries. I can’t sleep or eat for stress and the last thing on earth I can do is contact her and ask for help.I don’t honestly think she wants to send me jail. But if she thinks she is helping by sending me to ‘hospital’… Ive been through this system before and hospital is never an option unless you are sectioned and that’s clearly not going to happen. If by some miracle, the 1% chance my solicitor tells me I won’t go to Prison, as soon as it appears in the local paper I will lose my new job. I may even have to tell them now. The problem with cases like this is that court  and the sentence is only the start of your punishment. It will effect all the other areas of my life for years to come.  That’s a very high price to pay. 

I never went looking for her. I did nothing other than tell her how much I loved her, yes, a lot of times. Im so sorry I stressed her out. I did cross the line and I know now my messages upset her. I know I did wrong and I have more remorse than you can imagine. 

I hope she can forgive me one day and I pray more than anything that she sees fit to help me one last time. I will never get another job of any substance with 2 charges for Harassment and a drugs conviction. I am so stresed, anxious and scared. And my doctor will not prescribe me anything to help right now either. He my system can’t take any more right now.

I have never prayed more in my life. For NG, for peace and for release from this torment.