So, this is how ends. NG decided she really didn’t give a toss about me after all. The Police arrived at 5pm and took me away to the locked room. I could hardly deny it, it all being documented right here in the Net.

My whole life is now ruined. I didn’t think it could get any worse. But it has. I may well up in jail for Christmas and way beyond. I go to court on the 20th of this month. They also found  a bag of weed I had left over and charged me for that too. They took away all my tech and today I’m on a new cheap phone. 

I will never get another job that involves any crb check and I will not be allowed to travel to lots of places such as the USA 

The irony is after yesterday’s post you’ll have seen that I had my answer from her and spoken to her aunty who was thinking of talking to her to de-escalate this whole situation. I had agreed with her not to contact NG again. The irony of it all is… Ironic

My emails were not threatening or abusive, I just told her how much I loved her. But for that she got me locked up. I did say I’d like to see her one last time but I didn’t get in my car. And for that control this is my prize.

How could she do that not only knowing  the consequences for me but also having shared every intimacy until very recently? She knew I had got sick, she knew it had been an extreme breakup. She knew I would go to jail possibly. And now I will. She knew I was not a physical threat to her. She knew all my history and of my Childhood Trauma. I can understand she was not in the same headspace as me with her new love and me breaking down but I had hoped that it would never had to come to this.

Had I given in to the urge to go see her, the very worst that would have happened is that I would have seen her on the street and she would have blanked me. If I could ever have found her. But no, apparently easier to ruin my whole life rather than risk 10 minutes of feeling uncomfortable.

I am now the lowest I’ve ever been. And trying to clean is proving very difficult. I have no one to turn to or talk to bar a couple of trusted friends that are as shocked as I am 

I guess I meant less than I thought.