I hate them. I think it goes back to my time as a kid in Wales. When I was sick. Also I know people go there to die. And that freaks me out. I tried to work in one after my Valium Addition. Fail. They also remind me what NG must be going through. And that smell. Probably my least favourite place to work other than anywhere in Wales actually. But one way or another I still end up in them after a very stressful event. I have been to the edge, and seen what a very long steep fall it is. 

Wierd as this life is I started my new job today. I was jittery and all over the place compared to what I can be, but I was present. I connected. I was not in myself all day. I hope they like me. I will keep at it until other plans take shape because it’s good for me. Sitting around is very bad for me. No shit?! Why did I constantly do stuff that was bad for me? And in turn bad for those I loved. 

I will have a tougher day tomorrow. Soon I will be traveling all over the UK to get this job done. Timetables and budgets blah. I can do this. I was born to do this. I will do this. I could have run away again. No, this time time I sink or swim. I swim this time.

I have been placed for now during the Project management stage in an old Asylum in The Shire. No jokes please! 
I have access to every health record in the country. She has cancer. I dare not look. She deserves her privacy. She is sick. She deserves space. I’m not going to do that. If she wants to tell me where she is she will. 

She deserves everything she ever hoped for, and much more. 

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