I’m really struggling. Holding on by a thread. My urge to jump in the car and hurtle down the M4 is so intense I can see myself there. If NG has been reading my posts I need to know why. Fear? Concern? Love? I can’t know. And left to fill the in the blanks on my own in my current state of wishful thinking I’m likely to get it disastrously wrong.

I need help. I called my councillor out of hours and told how I am feeling. He said I should consider taking myself out of harms way and maybe going overseas. I’m inclined to agree with him. I can’t fuck up in person if I’m 6000 miles away.

My feelings are so intense now I’m not numbing them down. Here comes the tsunami. I’m scared now. Scared of where this will leave me washed up.Where this current of emotion will take me. If the worst happens that could very well end up with my incarceration thanks to a warning I already have.

It is almost beyond my control. I’m worried about me. 

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