I wish I could. And normally I can. ‘Don’t be silly! Of course you can! Don’t be so weak’ I hear you think. The Monster has been working out. He has doubled his strength and visits. This time I have no defence. No army of good to fight for me. I know if I refuse his Sanctuary I will not survive. This is my only refuge no matter how precarious a rock I balance on. The alternative is purgatory. The withdrawal from such an attack would be futile. Impossible. I am flanked. Sitting in my Mausoleum with only my unmediated thoughts building to a Tsunami of sadness to accompany me to oblivion, whilst the silence of my iPhone confirms my isolation and insignificant existence with no defences? My abject failure to find 1 person  that cares for me in 50 years. 1 drunken stressed out , unhinged phone call or email away from the certainty of being institutionalised? It is pointless to predict or pretend of another finale without the Monster’s protection.

I’m safe here