I’ve finished reading my blog. It made me sad. I have fallen so far and have such a big climb back. I hadn’t realised if I’m honest with you. I knew things were bad but the stuff written here previously sounds like it was by a different guy entirely. It also shows me that I’m cycling and have possibly learned nothing since I went through all this before . I want to start writing but I have a big day tomorrow with an interview that could go a long way to helping me out of this shit. I need to somehow get prepared for that when I’ve not even managed to get to the shops for a week. It’s a tough ask. I don’t get up until 3 most days and the interview  is a 2. My motivation is at an all time low but I’ve got to start fighting the Monster. I’ve got to start fighting back. I need my 6th sense ‘winging it’ intelligence to kick in. If I don’t stop this amazing level of self-harm I fear I will not be around much longer